Freeflowofrandomthoughts's Blog

The Year of Change

danjay26 — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 03:44:22 +0000

Obama campaigned saying ‘Yes, we can’ an year ago in 2009. As far as I am concerned all those changes finally materialized this year in 2010. After several dull years in life, 2010 has gone in fast forward mode with so much of activity.

I tied the knot with Sue, after what many would call a brief relationship of 8 months. We had a lovely wedding which both of enjoyed thoroughly. It was made so special by all those who attended it, as we personally knew all of them, we wanted their presence and all of them passed on their blessings to us wholeheartedly.

We started living on our own, building our family. From selecting a place to stay to purchasing furniture to cooking on our own, it was an experience we both loved. Within a matter of two months we learnt that Sue was pregnant with our first child. That brought along its own challenges, yet the wonders of a human soul growing inside is amazingly difficult to explain. I hope that I was able to be the best possible support to Sue, and look forward to fatherhood with much expectation.

While the pregnancy was unfolding, there were certain complications with regards to my health. Going through a minor surgery and three different stints at the hospital gave me a good appreciation of how important a healthy life is to someone. And I hope to maintain my health and advocate those I care about to lead a healthy lifestyle.

It was during the same time that I decided to shift focus from a career of management consulting. I was in my tenth year with the leading regional management consultancy. Yet the tough times that were prevailing in the economy proved too hard. It was also the time to move on to a different challenge and possibly start applying what I’ve been preaching for such a long time.

I’ve just finished penning my initial thoughts for the coming year keeping a long term approach in mind. If 2010 was the year of change, 2011 needs to be the year in which the consolidation started…, taking the first steps to realize a much larger dream.

What makes us…., Sri Lankan

danjay26 — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 15:56:33 +0000

The past month or so made me experience 3 different incidents that made me realize how Sri Lankan the society I live around and how human we all are.

First, there was our peeping tom from two houses down the line. He was in too much of a hurry to get off the lane that he shouted and called himself a fishmonger. Worse still he said he knows gangsters, not having the balls to fight himself. All this gave several sleepless nights to my pregnant wife and caused trouble to my landlord as well as a few of our friends and family.

Secondly, there was a great down pour. The highest Colombo has had since 1992, 440 mm of rain. When I left home that morning at 5.45 am, there was only an inch of water. However by 7.30 am there had been water inside the house and there were bells ringing to help. Since my pregnant wife was all alone my landlord and their friends helped her move it out in the pouring rain (where the water level was already about 1 ½ feet). Then there were other neighbours who offered her to stay with them since she was all alone. Then there was another neighbour who also had her hubby abroad (with a Montessori kid and a 1 year old) at home. Then there was my landlord, whose house also was about 2 feet under water. The rain has now brought all of us closer, as we were all trying to help each other. And I’m sure it will be an unforgettable experience for all of us.

Thirdly, my best friend was in town with his newborn (first son). We all knew that he had only 2 weeks to stay. His dad always maintained that he won’t get too attached to the grandson due to the fact that he’ll be leaving soon. Two weeks just rushed by, and on the day they left back to Singapore the entire family left for the airport. But not the grandfather. It would’ve been too hard for him to say his salaams with the flag bearer of the family at the airport. I was once told by my wife’s favourite uncle that the grandparents will come behind our kid like vultures…, imagine a vulture having to let go of its pray because he has no say in it. And the only thing I could tell my pregnant wife was that it will be us in another 30 years time.

It’s called growing up (and getting old)

danjay26 — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 16:58:58 +0000

First it was the toys, then it was Royal, then it was the girl friends, then it was work, then it was getting married, and now it’ about a child.
In future it should be about a house, about schooling and university, then about medication and insurance, then about grandchildren and …… (I better not think about it/write it)

Our priorities have changed, our thinking patterns have changed so has the way we respond to things.
It was not so long ago that I was a spoilt only child, generally getting my way (or telling the others to take the highway). But now compromise (Premadasa’s lovely word) and responsibility (one of Tariq’s references early on when Sue & I started going out) have become an integral part of my life.

The worst is to think of how bad I have been…….., to reflect on how badly I’ve treated my parents………, to know how much I’ve taken them for granted……., to know that I’ve never said this to them and probably I never will….., (and it’s tough to hold back the tear which wants to burst from my eye)
The time has come for me to also realize that our child may do the same.

And the same way I saw my father been emotional and the non-stop flow of tears from Sue’s father on our wedding day…, our child will also leave us one day (hopefully with someone we both are in agreement)
Time will pass by…, the story will more or less be the same. The characters and their roles will differ…, some will call it growing up, just that the others call it getting old.

With love, to you (who is still inside) …
Daddy

Kicking and Screaming

danjay26 — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 16:57:12 +0000

Thankfully the screaming hasn’t started yet, it’s only the kicking which we both felt for the first time on the 01st of October 2010.
It means you’ve started growing up, and without us knowing the 20th week has already come and ammi’s tummy is quite visible now.
And with this, you’re giving her more trouble than you used to. She often complaints of puffed tummy’s and wanting to walk.
Both our closest friends have now been informed of your arrival, and many more are yet to know.
Ammi’s appetite has improved, whenever she says you’re giving her trouble – I gently rub her bundi, then you go silent.
We both love you loads and want you with us….,

From one road to another …..,

danjay26 — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 03:30:20 +0000

8 days is a long time, from the time where thaththi was admitted to hospital – ammi and you have by now travelled to another hospital and come back home. In the meantime, thaththi has come back home, gone again to hospital and now is full on the path to recovery.
Thaththi has completely decided to quit his job and move into something on his own…, after almost 9 years in the job it’ll be a tough period for him. The earning will reduce at the beginning, but he’s sure that he can make it work for your sake in the long run.
We want to build a house as soon as your routine normalizes, our discussions with your grand uncle Tilak has already commenced.
Many would’ve raised their eyebrows earlier on at our success, and how we got so close to each other in such a short time.
We discussed whether our lives were moving on too fast, without too many issues. We discussed about the possibilities of ‘evil eye’.
But we’re sure, you will be the top priority and your wellbeing will be our main focus, whichever the path we prod.
Love you.

Why the time is right…,

danjay26 — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 02:55:07 +0000

The year was 1993, second or third term in school. I was on the verge of quitting scouting, couldn’t handle standing in the sun every Saturday morning after getting continuously punished by one Lasantha Dissanayaka (this was happening to both me and my good friend Sanjay De Mel). I also hadn’t made much progress in terms of my badge, if I were to remain in Lions Patrol I would’ve never become the Patrol Leader as Dilanka was a few months junior to me in age, but several ranks higher in filling the progress card.

In this background, one day after a tuition class Oshan De Silva came to me and said that Dinesh aiya was starting a new troop and that he had been invited to join. So we took the gamble, had a chat (including Chamira Ranatunga) and collectively decided to join the newly formed 6th Troop. I recall the initial discussion with Dinesh aiya in front of the old scout room (with our backs towards the year 7/9 buildings), where he said “malli, I’ll make you a Patrol Leader, let’s build this troop from scratch”.

This probably was the best decision ever I’ve made in life (deciding to dial a certain number instead of just texting, on our way to Yala ranks a close second). Over the years it has given me a lot from the Scout Group, from School and in my career. I can document another complete post on what I achieved…, but this is more to draw parallels with the situ I’m faced right now.

A walk back in memory lane brings me back to July 2001, when my father asked me in no uncertain terms to find a job – given that they had funded my education. I did face one or two interviews, it was then that I got a call from ‘Marketing Technologies International’, from who I had received a brochure a month ago for a training session (which I later learnt was by mistake). They had no hesitation in picking me and I also thought it was a nice homely place to join.

Over the years this organization has grown into the undisputed leader in its category of management consulting in Sri Lanka. We’ve handled a diverse range of clients, extremely challenging assignments and seen a wave of expansion that has taken me to three residential stints in neighboring countries.

But today, I feel that this road has come to an end….,

1. It doesn’t feel a challenge anymore
If you look back at the mission of the organization, it says ‘to provide a challenging work experience for the staff’. Having handled some tough assignments where I was really pushed to the wall and come off on top, I don’t get the same satisfaction in the projects that are being handled today.

2. Not living what we preach
As consultants we’re good at preaching to others. But I just couldn’t keep track of the mistakes we were making by not practicing them. Our specialization was in a way of planning, but we didn’t really put it into use. While ad-hoc initiatives (broadly falling within the direction we wanted to take) are good, it never puts the whole picture in context. We say we have world class processes (and spent so much time in developing them), but the organization’s leadership is always the first to violate them – then he turns around to question whenever the others make mistakes.

3. Staff communication
Yes, one line emails are good (just like stinking memo’s that was typed twenty year ago). But it loses the plot if the person who receives it constantly gets ticked off by them. More than half the people who had left the organization have mentioned this, either directly or indirectly. While the person at fault has been communicated about this many a times (and fault being accepted as well), adults never change their behavior (probably including me).

4. Inability to get the best out of staff
Different individuals get motivated by different ways and means. Money is not the only motivator (even though everybody likes to have more of it). On-the-job learning is great, but there comes a point at which you feel stagnant. It becomes worse when the organization reminds you of that but it doesn’t recommend you what specifically to be done about it. The Human Resources function is not at all recognized and given its due importance, hence learning and development and motivation both suffer tremendously.

5. Unstructured person dependent rewarding structure
Over the years, we’ve recruited some of the best talent, but we can’t identify a single person who has wanted to stick with the organization. It’s partly due to this performance based incentive system (again we preach our clients to do the same, but we never get ours right). Firstly, it is extremely qualitative. Secondly, different individuals were given different orientations to the PBP – some were used to getting a minimum of 80% score, then the criteria gets changed and your score drops to 30% or lower. Thirdly, it’s not worth to put in so much of work, get communicated as if you’re a slave and earn the peanuts. Fourthly, it never gets paid on-time. Fifth, you need to fight to earn even after your contribution. The good work gets ignored or forgotten when the payment comes near.

6. Focus is on the individual, not the organization
When one person gets splashed on the media always it shows the organization is extremely vulnerable. There was a code worded initiative called OTGDY, that could’ve addressed these issues, but it was never seen through. The model moved away from GEM’s to Industry Forums purely to encourage other functional specialists to be brought to the limelight, yet even this measure failed miserably.

7. Lack of an institutional culture
All decisions are made by one individual. While functions/responsibilities are assigned in theory only. If he doesn’t like a collective/individual recommendation the reply will be ‘it’s your call’, but be rest assured there will be enough repercussions later.

8. The non-existent concept of sharing the pie and growing it
Having had many senior level resources, who would’ve been keen to grow with the institution they weren’t given the ideal platform. Processes and payments were brought-in as blockers. Higher value assignments were always plucked by the leadership to handle directly (since the credit and the revenues were not to be shared around). Given that the organization has gotten so used to this type of rule, this is the same challenge I will face subsequently. Therefore the time has come to look for an alternative.

Now comes the more difficult question, my health hasn’t been at its best. I would also love the flexibility that I had over this time, where to go from here? Corporate job or the entrepreneurial route, if it’s the latter, where’s the capital?

All I know for the moment is that I’m pushed to the wall…, and the time is right to make a decision and move on…, Just as it was 17 years ago. The only difference is that I was much younger and was more willing to take a risk. Today I have additional responsibilities, bills to pay, a darling wife and our first kid is on the way 

When we first saw you…,

danjay26 — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 02:44:23 +0000

The date was 22nd of July, ammi and i left office early and came to Asia Hospital to see your doctor. The day was a memorable one.

While we waited for the doctor to come, we saw the last day in the cricket pitch for Sri Lanka’s greatest spinner – finishing with 800 test wickets. He got the last wicket and the openers chased the total with ease.

Ammi was visibly upset with the delay of the doctor, but when he finally came we had the chance to see u through the machine and also hear ur heart beat.

Ammi and I love u a lot and will do all that is possible to give you the best care.

Postnote;

1. Thaththi is writing this note on a bed @ Asiri Surgical hospital. Since thaththi was having a headsche, feeling vomitish and weak due to high blood pressure- ammi thought admitting him is the best option. Thaththi wanted only the best for you and ammi, therefore he came without any arguement.

2. Ammi seems to be enjoying a lot of spicy food since of late.., which will be your preference as well. So we’ve been told that u should either be a son or a hot daughter. Mwah

3. And the latest is that ur doctor (current i should say) did say a few stern words to ammi and she’s worried about him, inline with what’s best for you. We might change him.

4. I listen to your heartbeat more frequently now. Ammi also keeps her hand on where you are almost daily. We talk to you, hopefully you can hear and feel all those. Love u baby

Daddy scribes – till the book comes …,

danjay26 — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 05:11:22 +0000

05th July 2010

I don’t want to miss those initial thoughts.., therefore the mobile notes comes handy.

I’m sure over time, this will become a book or a blog to say how much you mean to us and what we went through to bring you up.

Mummy first felt a little funny exactly a month ago. It had been an year to that day where daddy and mummy had met. So daddy wanted that night to be special. Daddy’s friends were kind enough to bring some crabs (which mummy likes). She had gone to watch a stage play, when she came back – she ate all the crabs (without leaving any for daddy).

The next day on, mummy was having a puffed stomach and wanted to keep the clothes loose. She also complained that about feeling uncomfortable. That’s when we first suspected. It continued for a day or two, we paid a visit to the emergency at Asiri Surgical and the lady doctor advised us to wait till the expected days were over.

When the dates were over we did a home test. While mummy in all her excitement was trying to say that the second blue line wasn’t as blue as the first – it was clear they were both blue (but in different shades). We were also asked to wait for a few weeks more to visit a doctor. When we did, the guy was extremely casual about it. He tips that around the 19^th Feb (2011) you will see the first light to this beautiful and challenging world…, we can’t wait to have you with us.

In the meantime, mummy is finding it difficult to cook, she hates the smell of food (particularly curry). She’s finding it difficult to climb the stairs, she gets tired, complains of a terrible back ache. All this while, we see that her bundi is getting bigger – you’re growing inside

How time passes by….

danjay26 — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:57:31 +0000

18th July 2009

Hey yyy boy, many happy returns of the day!!! Hope u are enjoying your day!! Have fun! Im sorry im not in a position to talk, as im still on the move. On my way back home buddy. Anyways tc and be good

01st August 2009

Hey yyy, its xxx here…u called me fm this no last week? I never saw a misd cal neah …. Surprising!

10th August 2009

Well…im surprised about all whats happening around… And ofcourse i feel that i actually love u…hugs hugs hugs

13th August 2009

Honey…if the astrologer predicts anything bad as punchi said, that would mark the end of all what i have gained in life….this is disturbing me big time love….for some reason im extremly worried……..

14th August 2009

I love u so much honey! For the first time in life i think im feeling it….so happy that im with u honey…

18th August

The final phrase of the emb. was to see me at MRz position. Funny neah? Lol:-P

22nd August

Lol darl i’m going to buy the needful nw…thank you very much for all what u do!! I dont have words to express how fortunate i am to have u… I feel im the luckiest girl on earth to be loved so much and to be held in the arms of the perfect man on earth…. I love u soooooooooo much honey

24th August

U have fallen asleep my love. Wil talk to you 2mrow. Tc. And pls do remember, life is not all about money. I want to spend quality time with u, understand u better and have a steady foundation to our relationship, even to live a happy life without much money… I value u more than anytng. U are everytng for me. If by any chance ur dreams and expectations on me is scattered due to any of what i’v done. Pls let me knw rattaran. Will love u loads in the same crazy way for the rest of my life..

27th August

K. Nw u have fallen asleep. Wont wake u up again to say good nght. Just that i want you to know i love u so much and am extremely happy to be with u. Feeling so fortunate to be in ur arms dhanu…dnt knw how im gonna live without you for nearly one month;-( love u loads honey. Good ngt tc. Hugs hugs hugs

29th August

No pls la…go and sleep. I’ll burst into tears nw. Want to be alone for a mnt…pls pls pls…just gve me time to understand me..this z just out of my control nw…pls understand!

31st August

Feeling so bad, embarassd and al bla bld

4th September

Hey lah. Thanx alot 4al what u have dne 4me. Its so much. Means alot 4me. I m the luckiest to have u the best man in the worl. U mean alot to me darling.

6th September

Oh my god! By the time i got up i had lovely flowers on my table. Thanx alot darl. I mean… I dnt knw what to say… Love u loads hney. Am waitng to hug u …

25th September

Living for me is all loving u honey n i cnt afford to loose u at al.i want to love u unlimitdly til i die. Love u so much.mwaah

27th September

Im sorry if i was rude or hash on u.i understand the miscommunicatn occured.i was serious shockd to believe that u were doing that to me…was feelng bad to thnk that u dnt mis me as much as i do.my expectatons on u n ur love z so much.pls dnt let me dwn.i mean as u knw i wil loose everytng if i loose u.i v notng left wit me by nw.hope u understand me.there z no wi-fi enuf to log in in the lobby.let me do smtng anyway. U take care til im in ur arms in 30hrs.love u loads.i cnt aford to loose ur love. Mwaah

Choice

danjay26 — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 05:39:01 +0000

I’ve never been the thriftiest son on earth, but from my very young days I learnt that “A scout is thrifty”…, and I tried my best to live upto that. I wasn’t born rich, my family is one that can be called typical Sri Lankan middle class. While I was in grade 6, I recall my father purchasing a musical instrument that I didn’t play more than thrice on the demand of my school teacher. Apparently it had cost him more than a months’ salary, yet my parents sacrificed their quality of life expecting a better tomorrow for me. But it was never put to proper use by me.

Further into my life, my parents funded the tertiary and post graduate education (while Primary and Secondary was from a public school). Therefore none of the pressures of funding myself had to be negotiated, hence I also became a little less aggressive in my pursuit of money.

Now that the time for bells to ring is getting closer, I’m getting to know about the psyche of female choice when it comes to selecting certain products. Firstly in my opinion they are expensive (but then my benchmarks for comparison may not be appropriate). And yesterday when I made a decision for one of them (that too for probably one of the most memorable days in our life) it was condemned. Instead of being happy, everybody was talking negative about it. I didn’t understand why some of their requirements weren’t told to me. And if the other party had to object to it, why wasn’t it brought forward? It had been just a day earlier that we’ve discussed about selecting this type of a clothing item where I had mentioned there’s a long learning curve in it. But now my choice has been brought down to ground by everybody…. Should I bother anymore with it, or should I leave those who know better to take care of it for the times to come?